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Turning Tough Blows Into Blessings

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Sooo I thought I would share some videos here because... well... why not? I initially made this blog to talk about my hopes, dreams and goals- particularly in the theatre and music world! I came up with this idea after I didn't make the callback to be a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo. I worked my butt off on making that video, which you can find here: It's not a bad audition! It isn't perfect, but definitely not bad. I was a wee bit upset when I received the initial email saying I didn't make it. I didn't understand! I had been waiting to audition for years and always held off because it didn't feel right. Well, it finally felt right! And then I didn't even make the callback? Ouch. This was the opportunity that was finally going to carry me away from the little town of Buena Vista! I had my excuse to leave for at LEAST 4 months and then I'd hopefully be going straight to grad school somewhere! And now... I still have no idea where to go

Please Be Braver Than Me

This isn't going to be one of my usual faith-filled, happy-go-lucky kind of posts so leave now if you are looking for a pick me up! ...But just going to put it out there that life is hard. There is a major challenge in my life right now that has me all kinds of crazy... I'm going to quote a VERY long text message I sent a friend after she asked me how I was doing. I don't think she quite expected this answer. "You asked me if I was okay. And that has a very complicated answer. Yes, I'm technically okay. And honestly I love seeing *insert a lot things I really have loved about myself lately*. At the same time I hate myself for those exact same things... *insert some more reasons* I want to ask for help but I'm scared to and secretly don't want it at all. If I pray about it I can tell I don't mean it because *insert more reasons*. I'm scared that when I REALLY start to work on it I'm just going to fall right back into my self loathing I try to

Fear is the Opposite of Faith- A Reminder

Figuring out my life and my future has been quite the struggle for the past year. I keep thinking I finally have things figured out for the next step or two, but then it all falls apart. I have basically given up on making plans and making choices. Why? I’m scared. I’m scared of the future. It’s dark and full of a frightening unknown- not an exciting one. I’ve been praying a bit, researching a bit, studying scriptures a bit, but mostly, not making decisions. I thought my life was heading one way and I was pretty excited, but that didn’t work out the way I was expecting either. It had a LOT of prayer and thought involved and I thought I was doing and going where the Lord wanted me. Apparently not. This has happened with a lot of decisions I had been trying to make within the past year. It has discouraged me and has scared me into a dark corner where I feel like I can’t escape because I’ll pick the wrong escape route. So this last month-ish, especially,  has been me trying to figure out

Magic- It's Everywhere!

Magic. Magic is everywhere. Magic is in science! It’s in math, history, and English! It is in nature, and the buildings that surround us. It is also in music, dance, art, and theatre. It is inside the people we interact with every day. Everything, everyone, and everywhere has magic. I used the Miriam Webster Online dictionary and decided to look up the word ‘magic’. I found lots of fun things! Here we go: “n. -a quality that makes something seem removed from everyday life, especially in a way that gives delight.” “adj. - wonderful; exciting.” “v. - move, change, or create” Magic (to me) is synonymous with energy, and the Spirit/light. *happy shiver* Magic! So magic can be a verb, adjective, and a noun! Among other things I’m sure. It gives delight, it changes, and creates. It is something that catches your eye and seems different from everyday life. Let’s delve into this even more, using something that I know and love VERY much. Theatre. Theatre has thi

The Struggle is Real My Friends

I have discovered this year just how prevalent addiction is. I knew it was a world-wide problem, but I didn’t realize just how close to home it always is. Every single person I know, myself included, is addicted to something: sex, porn, other kinds of sexual stimulation, food, prescription meds, other drugs, eating disorders, video games, their phones, social media, buying clothes, etc. Some people would rate these addictions in order of which ones are better/easier or worse/harder. But really, they are pretty equal. If you are addicted to it and unable to control it (bad wording- I can’t think of a better word than ‘control’), it is inhibiting you from really being able to reach your potential. It is keeping you from doing something you really need to do and it is keeping your heart and your mind turned away from God. Being addicted to Facebook is just as hard as being addicted to drugs. It becomes a chemical and mental thing. It’s HARD. All of it. This subject has been on

Like a Bird is More Song and Flight...Love is What We Are

Lots of things have been swirling and whirling around in my head lately. Love (hello, Valentine’s Day!!), choices, theatre- specifically energy within the theatre, etc. Let's see where this goes!   I’ve had posts on Love before. It is an eternal and beautiful concept. It, quite literally, extends for eternity in both directions. There is no end to love. When all else in the world can and will fail, love never shall. Particularly, the pure love of Christ. All our Father in Heaven has shown for us is love. All he wants us to do is to emulate that example and continue to share love. But we get this nasty natural man in the way who decides to corrupt it and make it something else, or who makes it really, really, really hard to feel love.   “Love is terrifying sometimes and difficult and even heavy, but it’s what we are. Like a bird is more song and flight than anything else, love is what we are. Love is God and God is Love.”   This is something my dearest friend said to me

To my Friends, with all my heart:

To my darling, wonderful and fantastic friends, I love you. From the very inner most depths of my soul, I love you. I want to ask forgiveness for any wrong or injury I have done towards you. You are the light of my life and the reason I have become who I am today, and the reason I keep trying to progress to reach my potential. So thank you, thank you so much for being a shoulder for me to cry on, a cuddle buddy for me to curl up with, a confidant to confide in, and someone I can laugh with until I cannot breathe and start squeaking like a maniac. You will never be able to know how much you mean to me. I want you to know about the facade and the mask I put on while I am around you. I've realized that a lot of my internal issues and struggles come from the fact that I am not always myself when I am around people. Who is? We are all still learning who we are, and we will never completely understand who we are until we are with our Father in Heaven. My main mask is one of a klutz w