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Showing posts from November, 2014

Discovering Love

The past few months I have felt worthless, ugly, annoying, annoyed, a bother, fake, etc. etc. And at the same time I felt nothing. The beginning of this summer I was on Cloud 9! I was so happy, the world was alive, I was alive, and everyone/thing around me was perfect. Even though I knew it wasn't, I loved to see it that way. I felt my Heavenly Father's love for me and I felt the love I had for Him and for others. I could tell that the people I kept around me loved me. Then something happened. I realized later that I had stopped reading my scriptures and saying my prayers every day. I stopped actively looking  for the good. I still read and prayed, but not as often. And I could be happy! But it was short-lived and often had to be forced in order to not seem totally bipolar when the emptiness came back inside me. I wasn't suicidal, I didn't consider myself depressed, I never thought about harming myself. I just really, really, really didn't like myself. At all.

That One Whiny Post That Shouldn't Exist, But Does.

Yup. This is that post. Now, I'm actually in a pretty good place. Which is nice, because a few weeks ago I was really NOT in a good place. And that shall be another blog post. BUT last night, I had a bit of a relapse. I have some truly wonderful friends. However, sometimes I hear/see/read them say something like, "Oh, Jasmine is great! I love hanging out with her and she is just a really fun person! BUT, I'm worried/scared she might like me." ... Thanks. I'm glad my affections, IF I even have any like that for you, are a cause for worry, frustration, repulsion, etc. Now, let's face it, I seem to make my best of friends the most beautiful of people I, or anyone else, knows. My closest female friends are all very sought-after women. And then there's me. The side-kick. The puppy dog. That girl who is really funny when you put her on caffeine. That girl who is kinda pretty and has the gorgeous and/or witty, perfect best friend. The girl who is fun to