Fear is the Opposite of Faith- A Reminder

Figuring out my life and my future has been quite the struggle for the past year. I keep thinking I finally have things figured out for the next step or two, but then it all falls apart. I have basically given up on making plans and making choices. Why? I’m scared. I’m scared of the future. It’s dark and full of a frightening unknown- not an exciting one. I’ve been praying a bit, researching a bit, studying scriptures a bit, but mostly, not making decisions. I thought my life was heading one way and I was pretty excited, but that didn’t work out the way I was expecting either. It had a LOT of prayer and thought involved and I thought I was doing and going where the Lord wanted me. Apparently not. This has happened with a lot of decisions I had been trying to make within the past year. It has discouraged me and has scared me into a dark corner where I feel like I can’t escape because I’ll pick the wrong escape route. So this last month-ish, especially,  has been me trying to figure out how the puzzle pieces of my life fit together and I’ve been pretending to look for the missing pieces to see how they fit. But I’ve only been pretending. What if I find a puzzle piece, but it doesn’t fit the way I want it to? What if it is a puzzle piece to a different puzzle? What if I put it in the wrong spot and don’t notice? (PS, I hate puzzles)

Then we had a really good Sunday School lesson yesterday at church. It was all about faith. I thought I knew all of the answers we were going to give about faith and what it is and why we need it. Then a very good friend raised his hand and talked about how the future and making decisions is scary and I just started laughing in agreement (internally, of course!). Then he said, “Faith is the opposite of fear.” (Which is something that Boyd K. Packer has said on multiple occasions. April 2009 General Conference is one of the more recent times I can find.) That made me look up and start taking notes. I’m afraid. What does that say about my faith? It says I don’t have enough. I’ve been letting Satan’s slimy little self slither into my head and drip his poison. I would pick up a puzzle piece and he would laugh at me and say it would never work- and before I even tried it, I would agree and put it back down somewhere where I could see it, but didn’t have to do anything with it. I haven’t been using the beautiful gift of agency the Lord gave me because I have been fearful. This friend also brought up the quote that I believe President Thomas S. Monson said, “Our future is as bright as our faith.” Oof. When I think of my future it is this big, black cloud of nothing but confusion and uncertainty. That isn’t very bright. There are points of light that stick out and shine like crazy! But the path to them has been incredibly dark and foreboding. I can’t find it. Well! It’s time for that to stop!

Look at the story in Mark (I think it is also in Luke) about the blind man. He heard that Christ was nearby and he immediately began to call out to him. The people around him told him to be quiet and to keep to himself. But this man didn’t care. He didn’t care about man’s judgment. He didn’t care that he looked ridiculous. He knew that Christ would hear him and come to his aid. He knew that it didn’t matter what these other people said and thought. He knew His Lord would never forsake Him. But in order for Christ to come to him, he had to call out first and invite Christ to help him. He had no fear. He trusted completely in his Savior and did whatever he could to be in Christ’s presence.

Then there is the story of Helaman’s Stripling Warriors in Helaman 56 of the Book of Mormon. These young men volunteered to fight. They volunteered to protect their families and their homes. They decided to go to war and risk their lives to protect everything they held dear because they knew the Lord would look after them. They were unafraid. They put all of their trust and faith in the Lord and went to fight with their comrades. And they succeeded! Not a single one of Helaman’s stripling warriors lost their life. Their faith in Christ protected them.

We also have the huge first chunk of the Book of Mormon where we hear about Lehi, Ishmael and their families. They left their home and their belongings to leave Jerusalem and follow the Lord’s will. They had no idea where they would end up. They wandered in the wilderness for years and years with many trials, but they knew that the Lord had promised them a land that was safe. All they had to do was follow the Lord’s commandments and keep Him a part of their lives. Lehi and Nephi had no fear. They trusted and had faith. Their future looked bright.

A more modern example is of the early Saints in the 1800s. The early Saints were constantly persecuted. We have many martyrs from that time. They could have given up. They could have denied the Restoration of the Gospel and gone back to their lives. It would have been simpler and far less physically painful. But they didn’t. They traveled across the country by handcart. They left everything they knew and began their journey through the wilderness. They didn’t know exactly where they were going. But they knew that the Lord wanted them to journey west to be safe and to keep the Gospel alive. They knew that the Gospel promised more happiness than they could possibly imagine in the eternities. They knew it would be worth it. So they went. Sure, they were afraid. But they weren’t afraid to make the choice to follow the Lord. They chose and they went.

Satan knows us so well. In every dispensation and every generation there is persecution against that which is right. We aren’t as physically attacked as we used to be, but we are constantly bombarded internally. We are attacked mentally and emotionally. Just as the early Saints’ lives were constantly in danger, our minds, spirits, and emotions are constantly in danger. Satan knows us just as well Christ knows us. He knows our weaknesses and he plays to them. He knows how to use our weaknesses and our fears against us. And he is constantly doing it! It is unceasing. We have to remember what President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said when he reminded us to, “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.”

I have a sign on my desk at work that reminds me to do just that. I need to always remember to doubt my doubts. My faith needs to be unshaken. We need to learn to, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” (Psalms 3:5). He will not forsake us. We need to call out to him; we need to seek his help. We cannot do this on our own. We need to wake up in the morning yelling, “Screw you, Satan! I believe and I trust in the Lord. I have nothing to fear. Go away!” (Then immediately start to pray to the Lord for help and for guidance! And maybe forgiveness for scaring your roommate or family for waking up and immediately yelling “Screw you, Satan…”) And for every second of every day we need to constantly remind ourselves that our Lord and Savior is with us and we cannot let Satan stick his rotting poison into our minds.

It is so hard. It is a massive process. I can’t say that I am magically fixed and that everything is suddenly clear and better. Heck! It’s only been one day! I still don’t know what I am doing. I am still afraid. But I am seeking for the truth. I am gathering my weapons around me so that I can be like the stripling warriors, and Nephi, etc. and jump into the unknown. My arsenal is/will be full of faith, scriptures, prayer, the prophet’s counsel, the counsel of those who have stewardship over me, the counsel of the Priesthood, and an iron will to stay close to my Savior. We must learn to let our fear dissipate and dissolve and to replace it with our best weapon: faith. Faith and hope are only lost if we let it. Don’t let it go! Doubt your doubts, remember to find the brightness of your future and always remember that fear does not equal faith. Faith = hope, love, action (this is a whole other blog post… act on your faith, make choices, don’t be passive), trust, etc. in our Lord. It's time to really start putting together my puzzle. It's time to make solid choices without letting Satan get to me. I'm positive I will make mistakes. I am positive I am going to get some promptings and answers from the Lord that don't make sense now and will confuse the heck out of me. But I am also positive that He has a reason for doing so. I am positive He will look at my mistakes and find a way to help me get back to the right part of the puzzle. I am positive that He loves me and will never let me go astray. "Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail." (Doctrine & Covenants 6:34)

All of my love. And luck.