Safe Haven? #2
Well it is 3:30 am. I'm a wee bit terrified to walk home in the dark to my home where the door is probably locked and I don't have my key. I can't seem to fall asleep. And I'm cold. Sooo what's better to do than blog?! Actually, I was doing something better... I was making CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!!! I love Christmas. I love giving those I love presents, notes, and joy!!! This is why it is my favorite time of year. I also really needed to use it as a distraction.
I believe the reason I can't fall asleep is because I am scared of the images that will come to my head as I dream. As I was making my Christmas presents for some friends and family, I decided I wanted to know exactly what had happened in the Connecticut shooting today since everyone was talking about it. Bad idea. I remember after I watched Schindler's List and had seen some pictures of people with disabilities with awful comments I was a mess and couldn't really sleep well for awhile (see Safe Haven? for more on that minus the Schindler's List I believe, just know that the images from that heartbreaking movie are forever ingrained in my mind, eyes and heart). Needless to say, I was shocked, horrified, angry, scared, and of course, bawling. I went back to pretending I was one of Santa's elves, but my mind was/is still reeling.
It was an elementary school. WHO GOES ON A KILLING RAMPAGE ON INNOCENT YOUNG CHILDREN?!?!?! I don't understand! I can't understand! Hearing about this kind of thing makes me never want to bring children into this awful and twisted world. I think of my 4 and 7 year old sisters and my overactive brain decides to imagine them being in that elementary school and having to deal with that trauma, whether they were shot or were forced to hide in closets, etc. while listening to screams, gunshots, and banging or watching their classmates and teachers die by some strange man, and then sudden silence. Gah. I'm crying, AGAIN. Why does there have to be so much pain in the world today? I just lose faith in humanity more and more all the time.
I know that families are eternal and eventually the TWENTY EIGHT families affected will be reunited with their little ones or parent/sister/someone important... but many of those families maybe don't believe in eternal families. They just lost someone they will never get back. Yes. I know they are eternal, but that doesn't detract from THEIR pain! I can NOT handle it. I ache for that community. I want to do something, but what can a poor college student living off of oatmeal and the generosity of friends do? I don't have all this money to donate. I don't have connections. But I want to help! My dream is to help people through theatre, children especially, but how can I do something now?!?!?!
Twenty of those victims were children. None of them survived. Not a single child. When the nurses and paramedics showed up they were said they weren't needed. Why? There were no wounded... only dead. I realize the shooter probably had mental instabilities that maybe made it impossible to really control himself, but I just don't know why these kinds of occurrences have to be a part of the human experience. There is enough pain and sorrow, don't let twenty pure children of God be murdered before their lives even begin. All it does is hurt. There is not a single person that is going to benefit from this tragedy.
I don't expect the world to be perfect, or people to be perfect, but I do wish, more than anything, that such horror can stop. Forever. Now. My entire soul is burning with this desire. Abuse, in any form, is not okay.
I hope this Christmas season that we can all remember Christ, the true meaning of Christmas, and the love we have for each other. Please keep anyone hurting from this event, or anyone else hurting from anything, in your prayers this joyful season. While we enjoy our ham, pies, mashed potatoes, candy, and gifts, there are those suffering and having to go through their first Christmas with a missing family member. There are those scrounging around in trash cans for food. There are those across the seas that are fighting for their beliefs, etc. etc. etc. This list in endless. Please remember those that need you this Christmas season. Remember to serve whomever you can. My Lord, my God, is risen at last. Let us remember Him by remembering others.
I believe the reason I can't fall asleep is because I am scared of the images that will come to my head as I dream. As I was making my Christmas presents for some friends and family, I decided I wanted to know exactly what had happened in the Connecticut shooting today since everyone was talking about it. Bad idea. I remember after I watched Schindler's List and had seen some pictures of people with disabilities with awful comments I was a mess and couldn't really sleep well for awhile (see Safe Haven? for more on that minus the Schindler's List I believe, just know that the images from that heartbreaking movie are forever ingrained in my mind, eyes and heart). Needless to say, I was shocked, horrified, angry, scared, and of course, bawling. I went back to pretending I was one of Santa's elves, but my mind was/is still reeling.
It was an elementary school. WHO GOES ON A KILLING RAMPAGE ON INNOCENT YOUNG CHILDREN?!?!?! I don't understand! I can't understand! Hearing about this kind of thing makes me never want to bring children into this awful and twisted world. I think of my 4 and 7 year old sisters and my overactive brain decides to imagine them being in that elementary school and having to deal with that trauma, whether they were shot or were forced to hide in closets, etc. while listening to screams, gunshots, and banging or watching their classmates and teachers die by some strange man, and then sudden silence. Gah. I'm crying, AGAIN. Why does there have to be so much pain in the world today? I just lose faith in humanity more and more all the time.
I know that families are eternal and eventually the TWENTY EIGHT families affected will be reunited with their little ones or parent/sister/someone important... but many of those families maybe don't believe in eternal families. They just lost someone they will never get back. Yes. I know they are eternal, but that doesn't detract from THEIR pain! I can NOT handle it. I ache for that community. I want to do something, but what can a poor college student living off of oatmeal and the generosity of friends do? I don't have all this money to donate. I don't have connections. But I want to help! My dream is to help people through theatre, children especially, but how can I do something now?!?!?!
Twenty of those victims were children. None of them survived. Not a single child. When the nurses and paramedics showed up they were said they weren't needed. Why? There were no wounded... only dead. I realize the shooter probably had mental instabilities that maybe made it impossible to really control himself, but I just don't know why these kinds of occurrences have to be a part of the human experience. There is enough pain and sorrow, don't let twenty pure children of God be murdered before their lives even begin. All it does is hurt. There is not a single person that is going to benefit from this tragedy.
I don't expect the world to be perfect, or people to be perfect, but I do wish, more than anything, that such horror can stop. Forever. Now. My entire soul is burning with this desire. Abuse, in any form, is not okay.
I hope this Christmas season that we can all remember Christ, the true meaning of Christmas, and the love we have for each other. Please keep anyone hurting from this event, or anyone else hurting from anything, in your prayers this joyful season. While we enjoy our ham, pies, mashed potatoes, candy, and gifts, there are those suffering and having to go through their first Christmas with a missing family member. There are those scrounging around in trash cans for food. There are those across the seas that are fighting for their beliefs, etc. etc. etc. This list in endless. Please remember those that need you this Christmas season. Remember to serve whomever you can. My Lord, my God, is risen at last. Let us remember Him by remembering others.
This whole sign-in thing is being stupid so THIS IS BRI.
ReplyDeleteMy darling darling sensitive friend... I would not change you, but I'm also so very very sad for your hurting. May you ever be as caring as you are; the world needs more of it.
Terrible things happen because of very deep and very profound pain in the hearts of misguided and forsaken souls, until they reach a point of hopelessness and loneliness that they don't even recognize the humanity of themselves or their victims. The tiniest smile or kind word at the needed moment of his life would have been weapon enough to stop that shooter.
So I know that you feel powerless and heartbroken and weak, but my friend, you are rich rich rich in all those things that the world needs to be healed: love, sensitivity, spirit and talent. You save countless lives every day by just being a sunshiney stranger; you've been a warrior for good all your life, you just didn't know it.
So take heart! Life is wonderful even if it can be scary, and a whole butt-ton of people freaking love you and are excited for you to get back.