Becoming Reacquainted
Not 100% sure what this post is going to be about... about I felt the urge to write. I know I am a terrible writer but it is still soothing, fun, and therapeutic to do.
Well I had the most perfect of perfect Christmas breaks. I saw two of my dear friends married (I was a bridesmaid for one of them!), I spent many days acting like a four year old with my closest friend that I miss every day, I met our new puppy named Spartacus "Sparky". Adorable, smart, hyper little man :D, and I spent a wonderful amount of time with my family. My only regret is that it couldn't be longer.
However, I am back in Virginia. It isn't bad to be back, and it is great seeing the friends I have made, it is just hard. But hey! I'm here for a reason so I'll do my duty :-P
This week I have been missing home and interaction with males seeing as how I have not many guy friends here at SVU...which is weird... and I miss seeing points of view from the other gender species :P It's been a weird week/year.
Being at an LDS institution I kind of expected my spirituality to grow just by being here and whatnot. Well... the opposite is unfortunately true. I have felt more separated from my Father in Heaven than I have in a long time since being here, and I know that is my fault, but it is still strange to me. I do know my Heavenly Father loves me and cares for me and when I actually place my trust in Him, things will work out. I kind of had a rediscovery of that this first week back at school.
Last semester I did two shows with maybe a one day break in-between them. I kind of got a bit burnt out. I didn't have time for myself to ponder, relax, and come to terms with everything that happens around me. This semester I just wanted a break more than anything. I am taking less credits than I ever have (it's like 16.5 I think...), and I am trying to allow myself to just breathe and REALLY get acclimated to everything and everyone.Now... I also need a job. More than anything. Living off of oatmeal and whatever friends can provide me with SUCKS. It was okay for a month or two, but even then malnutrition caused me to have no energy, be more negative than usual, and kind of hate everyone and everything. And to get headaches all the time but that is kind of a different story :). So this semester I KNOW I need a job, if nothing else, so I can afford groceries and rent. My biggest worry at the beginning of the week was "what if I get cast in this next show and I have no time again? I love being in shows and I hate thinking I shouldn't be in a show... but I need a job, I need to be happy (because theatre can only do so much. If I have no theatre I am SUPER unhappy and rather depressed, but no food, no time, etc. causes bigger problems), and I need time to reacquaint myself with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Still, I knew I had to try at auditions and that if I got cast the Lord would find some way to help me with everything. So I auditioned. And wasn't called back! Hello blessing!!! THEN I discovered I WAS called back, my name just was missing from the list. So I had to run over and do a callback. It wasn't bad. I learned later I was one of three people that read for the part I chose to read for. Well great. Why couldn't I have read for the one that everyone read for?! Of course, my ego really wanted me to be picked, but my ego doesn't always know what is best for me. Two days later the cast list was up. I didn't make it. Now, usually I would be rather upset and my ego would be writhing in something unhappy, but I saw the list and felt so calm. So peaceful. And I just knew that this was right. AND I could now look for a job and not have to worry about a second rehearsal schedule getting in the way (I am also in the Opera Workshop class where we have a couple rehearsals at night throughout the week).
The next day I walked to store that I was hoping was still hiring and asked for an application. The girl at the cash register gave me one and told me, with a slight frown since she knew I was a busy student at SVU, that they are hiring but only for Tuesdays and Thursdays during the day. Well guess who happened to be looking for a job during the day on Tues. and Thurs. because I only have one class those days? ME!!! I couldn't have been happier and I immediately knew my Father was looking out for me. I am nearly done with the application and tomorrow I turn it in and start to pray even harder that I can have this job and earn enough money to continue being able to come to school, eat healthy food, and not hate the world :D
I know this semester will be hard not having a whole lot of theatre, but I also know it will be good for me and that my Heavenly Father will be with me every step of the way. He loves me, even when I feel that no one around me understands me and what I am going through, saying, expressing, etc. This will be a fun little journey to getting to know the Spirit stronger than ever this semester. Woo! Wish me luck.
However, I am back in Virginia. It isn't bad to be back, and it is great seeing the friends I have made, it is just hard. But hey! I'm here for a reason so I'll do my duty :-P
This week I have been missing home and interaction with males seeing as how I have not many guy friends here at SVU...which is weird... and I miss seeing points of view from the other gender species :P It's been a weird week/year.
Being at an LDS institution I kind of expected my spirituality to grow just by being here and whatnot. Well... the opposite is unfortunately true. I have felt more separated from my Father in Heaven than I have in a long time since being here, and I know that is my fault, but it is still strange to me. I do know my Heavenly Father loves me and cares for me and when I actually place my trust in Him, things will work out. I kind of had a rediscovery of that this first week back at school.
Last semester I did two shows with maybe a one day break in-between them. I kind of got a bit burnt out. I didn't have time for myself to ponder, relax, and come to terms with everything that happens around me. This semester I just wanted a break more than anything. I am taking less credits than I ever have (it's like 16.5 I think...), and I am trying to allow myself to just breathe and REALLY get acclimated to everything and everyone.Now... I also need a job. More than anything. Living off of oatmeal and whatever friends can provide me with SUCKS. It was okay for a month or two, but even then malnutrition caused me to have no energy, be more negative than usual, and kind of hate everyone and everything. And to get headaches all the time but that is kind of a different story :). So this semester I KNOW I need a job, if nothing else, so I can afford groceries and rent. My biggest worry at the beginning of the week was "what if I get cast in this next show and I have no time again? I love being in shows and I hate thinking I shouldn't be in a show... but I need a job, I need to be happy (because theatre can only do so much. If I have no theatre I am SUPER unhappy and rather depressed, but no food, no time, etc. causes bigger problems), and I need time to reacquaint myself with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Still, I knew I had to try at auditions and that if I got cast the Lord would find some way to help me with everything. So I auditioned. And wasn't called back! Hello blessing!!! THEN I discovered I WAS called back, my name just was missing from the list. So I had to run over and do a callback. It wasn't bad. I learned later I was one of three people that read for the part I chose to read for. Well great. Why couldn't I have read for the one that everyone read for?! Of course, my ego really wanted me to be picked, but my ego doesn't always know what is best for me. Two days later the cast list was up. I didn't make it. Now, usually I would be rather upset and my ego would be writhing in something unhappy, but I saw the list and felt so calm. So peaceful. And I just knew that this was right. AND I could now look for a job and not have to worry about a second rehearsal schedule getting in the way (I am also in the Opera Workshop class where we have a couple rehearsals at night throughout the week).
The next day I walked to store that I was hoping was still hiring and asked for an application. The girl at the cash register gave me one and told me, with a slight frown since she knew I was a busy student at SVU, that they are hiring but only for Tuesdays and Thursdays during the day. Well guess who happened to be looking for a job during the day on Tues. and Thurs. because I only have one class those days? ME!!! I couldn't have been happier and I immediately knew my Father was looking out for me. I am nearly done with the application and tomorrow I turn it in and start to pray even harder that I can have this job and earn enough money to continue being able to come to school, eat healthy food, and not hate the world :D
I know this semester will be hard not having a whole lot of theatre, but I also know it will be good for me and that my Heavenly Father will be with me every step of the way. He loves me, even when I feel that no one around me understands me and what I am going through, saying, expressing, etc. This will be a fun little journey to getting to know the Spirit stronger than ever this semester. Woo! Wish me luck.
Comments
Post a Comment