Parts of the College Theatre Kid Life
Ooookkkayyy... I haven't posted in a long, long, long time! This semester has been hecka crazy and hecka insane and hecka stressful and hecka amazing. Ya... it's been an interesting first half of my semester...
I kind of just want to skip ahead to when I had the opportunity to audition for my dream role, Lilly, in "The Secret Garden." :) This auditioning experience was probably the best I have ever had in my entire life. The entire day was just full of good auditions and conversations. The initial audition was awesome. Then we auditioned for Dance Company, which compared to last year, I did pretty good! I am by no means a dancer, but I have improved since I first started and it has been fun to see the improvement. Then we were all called back for "Connections" and those callbacks went pretty great. At the end of those I received some sheet music for "How Could I Ever Know?" I just about died from happiness because I then knew I was being called back for Lilly. This song was going to be a piece of cake as well because I had done it the previous year for voice lessons. I had time to practice it, help another girl being called back for Lilly learn it and then it was time to perform. I watched the first girl sing it to one of the boys being called back for Archie and was very happy for her. She did a wonderful job! Then it was my turn! I went up and was relaxed and confident. I knew Lilly, I knew this song, and I knew I was meant for Lilly. I sang the song...and it was so powerful. Not necessarily for the audience, but for me. (so hopefully for the 'audience' as well). I had never had a performing experience with that much energy and power flowing through me before. My 'Archie' and I were so connected and had so much energy flowing between us it was INSANE. We shared images and energy and AH! Since Lilly is dead, I realized that I couldn't touch him and comfort him and I literally hurt inside. His hand was mere inches from me and I couldn't do anything but hope and plead. By the end of the song I was in tears. I don't even remember when or how I moved or the boy playing opposite me. I just remember being so connected and full. The director's were also in tears and had trouble calling out the next name. She went and performed and also did quite well. I then had to wait for about 2 days before the cast lists went up. I GOT IT! I am Lilly Craven. The role I have wanted for 3-4 years now. I am beyond excited. The boy that auditioned opposite of me received the role of Archie.
I attribute ALL of that to my Heavenly Father. I always tend to forget to pray before things like auditions. I just don't think about it! But this time, I prayed and prayed and prayed that I would be put where I was needed and that I would be given as much help as possible to keep me from being nervous and scared. I prayed that I could have confidence in my auditions and that I would be able to prove to Jamie that I can do it. Heavenly Father helped me through all of the auditions and I appreciate that SO much. I know I wouldn't have done it as well without His divine help.
I have a hard time with prayer and in believing in answers to certain prayers. I feel that not very many of mine have ever been answered. It is still a struggle when it comes to a lot of topics in prayer, but I know that this time the Lord answered me and helped me. It helped me gain a little bit of a testimony in the power of prayer and I hope it is something I continue to progress in. This semester has been really hard and stressful despite that whole experience I just talked about. That is one of the reason's I keep not writing in my blog, I just don't know what to say because I am surrounded by this huge, dark cloud that continually tries to suffocate me and make me hopeless, but I still have moments of light. I have friends that care deeply about me, I have the Gospel and I have amazing teachers here at Western that have taught me SO much. I am learning more and more about myself as a performer, as well as a person. I know that eventually all of this crap that keeps rolling and stomping and thudding its way through my life will be for my good and will teach me and help me to grow if I let it. Even if it is hard, I will get through. Life will have lots of hard choices for me to make and lots of difficult experiences for me to go through no matter what choices I make so I need to just learn and focus on keeping my chin up and forcing a smile on my face because eventually that smile will be real all the time instead of just some of the time.
I kind of just want to skip ahead to when I had the opportunity to audition for my dream role, Lilly, in "The Secret Garden." :) This auditioning experience was probably the best I have ever had in my entire life. The entire day was just full of good auditions and conversations. The initial audition was awesome. Then we auditioned for Dance Company, which compared to last year, I did pretty good! I am by no means a dancer, but I have improved since I first started and it has been fun to see the improvement. Then we were all called back for "Connections" and those callbacks went pretty great. At the end of those I received some sheet music for "How Could I Ever Know?" I just about died from happiness because I then knew I was being called back for Lilly. This song was going to be a piece of cake as well because I had done it the previous year for voice lessons. I had time to practice it, help another girl being called back for Lilly learn it and then it was time to perform. I watched the first girl sing it to one of the boys being called back for Archie and was very happy for her. She did a wonderful job! Then it was my turn! I went up and was relaxed and confident. I knew Lilly, I knew this song, and I knew I was meant for Lilly. I sang the song...and it was so powerful. Not necessarily for the audience, but for me. (so hopefully for the 'audience' as well). I had never had a performing experience with that much energy and power flowing through me before. My 'Archie' and I were so connected and had so much energy flowing between us it was INSANE. We shared images and energy and AH! Since Lilly is dead, I realized that I couldn't touch him and comfort him and I literally hurt inside. His hand was mere inches from me and I couldn't do anything but hope and plead. By the end of the song I was in tears. I don't even remember when or how I moved or the boy playing opposite me. I just remember being so connected and full. The director's were also in tears and had trouble calling out the next name. She went and performed and also did quite well. I then had to wait for about 2 days before the cast lists went up. I GOT IT! I am Lilly Craven. The role I have wanted for 3-4 years now. I am beyond excited. The boy that auditioned opposite of me received the role of Archie.
I attribute ALL of that to my Heavenly Father. I always tend to forget to pray before things like auditions. I just don't think about it! But this time, I prayed and prayed and prayed that I would be put where I was needed and that I would be given as much help as possible to keep me from being nervous and scared. I prayed that I could have confidence in my auditions and that I would be able to prove to Jamie that I can do it. Heavenly Father helped me through all of the auditions and I appreciate that SO much. I know I wouldn't have done it as well without His divine help.
I have a hard time with prayer and in believing in answers to certain prayers. I feel that not very many of mine have ever been answered. It is still a struggle when it comes to a lot of topics in prayer, but I know that this time the Lord answered me and helped me. It helped me gain a little bit of a testimony in the power of prayer and I hope it is something I continue to progress in. This semester has been really hard and stressful despite that whole experience I just talked about. That is one of the reason's I keep not writing in my blog, I just don't know what to say because I am surrounded by this huge, dark cloud that continually tries to suffocate me and make me hopeless, but I still have moments of light. I have friends that care deeply about me, I have the Gospel and I have amazing teachers here at Western that have taught me SO much. I am learning more and more about myself as a performer, as well as a person. I know that eventually all of this crap that keeps rolling and stomping and thudding its way through my life will be for my good and will teach me and help me to grow if I let it. Even if it is hard, I will get through. Life will have lots of hard choices for me to make and lots of difficult experiences for me to go through no matter what choices I make so I need to just learn and focus on keeping my chin up and forcing a smile on my face because eventually that smile will be real all the time instead of just some of the time.
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