Chasing Butterflies

So.. the world is kind of a scary place right now. Look at the 2016 Presidential Race we're dealing with for just one example. Our two current frontrunners are not good people. Hilary Clinton who is in the middle of a crime investigation, has sold uranium to Russia under the guise of a charity (that was totally fake), and so much more. And then we have Donald Trump and all of his supporters. Those videos make me literally sick to my stomach/heart. You see people being abused emotionally, mentally and even physically and then there is Trump yelling out that he could shoot someone right then and there and he wouldn't lose any of his supporters. I'm scared to think of how accurate that statement could be. This world is becoming more violent, more corrupt, and more terrifying every day. However, it's also made me think more about my spiritual welfare. If the world is becoming this dark and evil place, then I need to stay on the path of truth and become a light, a b...

This is not the easiest of posts to write, but I think it may need to be said. Probably more for my sake than for anyone else's, but if I can help someone with this post then it's worth it! First of all, thanks to those of you who have complimented me lately on my weight loss. I really do appreciate them more than I can say! I know I shouldn't be so focused on how I physically appear, but my body has always bothered me. I've never been happy with it, but lately I haven't had quite as many complaints for myself. A few people have asked how I did it. I usually give some sort of vague answer about eating less/healthier and working out. the majority of that statement is true. But here's how I really lost 25-35 pounds in under 3 months: I stopped eating. I kept working out. If I had to eat it was incredibly small amounts and I tried to find something healthy. It started out small. I only ate one-two normal meals a day. Then it kept going down and down as I sa...

Sooo I thought I would share some videos here because... well... why not? I initially made this blog to talk about my hopes, dreams and goals- particularly in the theatre and music world! I came up with this idea after I didn't make the callback to be a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo. I worked my butt off on making that video, which you can find here: It's not a bad audition! It isn't perfect, but definitely not bad. I was a wee bit upset when I received the initial email saying I didn't make it. I didn't understand! I had been waiting to audition for years and always held off because it didn't feel right. Well, it finally felt right! And then I didn't even make the callback? Ouch. This was the opportunity that was finally going to carry me away from the little town of Buena Vista! I had my excuse to leave for at LEAST 4 months and then I'd hopefully be going straight to grad school somewhere! And now... I still have no idea where to go...

This isn't going to be one of my usual faith-filled, happy-go-lucky kind of posts so leave now if you are looking for a pick me up! ...But just going to put it out there that life is hard. There is a major challenge in my life right now that has me all kinds of crazy... I'm going to quote a VERY long text message I sent a friend after she asked me how I was doing. I don't think she quite expected this answer. "You asked me if I was okay. And that has a very complicated answer. Yes, I'm technically okay. And honestly I love seeing *insert a lot things I really have loved about myself lately*. At the same time I hate myself for those exact same things... *insert some more reasons* I want to ask for help but I'm scared to and secretly don't want it at all. If I pray about it I can tell I don't mean it because *insert more reasons*. I'm scared that when I REALLY start to work on it I'm just going to fall right back into my self loathing I try to...

Figuring out my life and my future has been quite the struggle for the past year. I keep thinking I finally have things figured out for the next step or two, but then it all falls apart. I have basically given up on making plans and making choices. Why? I’m scared. I’m scared of the future. It’s dark and full of a frightening unknown- not an exciting one. I’ve been praying a bit, researching a bit, studying scriptures a bit, but mostly, not making decisions. I thought my life was heading one way and I was pretty excited, but that didn’t work out the way I was expecting either. It had a LOT of prayer and thought involved and I thought I was doing and going where the Lord wanted me. Apparently not. This has happened with a lot of decisions I had been trying to make within the past year. It has discouraged me and has scared me into a dark corner where I feel like I can’t escape because I’ll pick the wrong escape route. So this last month-ish, especially,  has been me trying to figure...

Magic. Magic is everywhere. Magic is in science! It’s in math, history, and English! It is in nature, and the buildings that surround us. It is also in music, dance, art, and theatre. It is inside the people we interact with every day. Everything, everyone, and everywhere has magic. I used the Miriam Webster Online dictionary and decided to look up the word ‘magic’. I found lots of fun things! Here we go: “n. -a quality that makes something seem removed from everyday life, especially in a way that gives delight.” “adj. - wonderful; exciting.” “v. - move, change, or create” Magic (to me) is synonymous with energy, and the Spirit/light. *happy shiver* Magic! So magic can be a verb, adjective, and a noun! Among other things I’m sure. It gives delight, it changes, and creates. It is something that catches your eye and seems different from everyday life. Let’s delve into this even more, using something that I know and love VERY much. Theatre. Theatre has thi...

I have discovered this year just how prevalent addiction is. I knew it was a world-wide problem, but I didn’t realize just how close to home it always is. Every single person I know, myself included, is addicted to something: sex, porn, other kinds of sexual stimulation, food, prescription meds, other drugs, eating disorders, video games, their phones, social media, buying clothes, etc. Some people would rate these addictions in order of which ones are better/easier or worse/harder. But really, they are pretty equal. If you are addicted to it and unable to control it (bad wording- I can’t think of a better word than ‘control’), it is inhibiting you from really being able to reach your potential. It is keeping you from doing something you really need to do and it is keeping your heart and your mind turned away from God. Being addicted to Facebook is just as hard as being addicted to drugs. It becomes a chemical and mental thing. It’s HARD. All of it. This subject has been on ...