Chasing Butterflies

I am going to be extraordinarily original and write about Easter since that's what happened this last weekend. Easter is a time for fresh beginnings, birth, new ideas and thoughts, etc. etc. Easter is a time to remember how blessed we really are and to remember the Savior's Atonement for us. This Easter I decided that I wanted to really focus on Resurrection (duh) and a new outlook on life in general really. Life always has its ups and downs. It's just a big fun roller coaster...all the time. But we can't focus too much on the downs. I know way too many people that do and sometimes I just want to shake them and tell them to look for something good in their life, or something that they have been blessed with, because it's there, even if they don't want to see it. I know sometimes I am actually a perpetrator of not recognizing all these amazing things around me and it's something I want to fix! I get so wrapped up in what has gone wrong. For example, my ...

I would just like to point out to the world that I have the absolute best friends known to mankind! :D I think I am actually going to use names in this one, makes my life a little bit easier! And this isn't going in any particular order, I'm just writing about people I can think of while I am this exhausted (pulled an all-nighter, 2nd one this week :P) Alright, I just first wanted to point out Bri Bedore. She has been my suitemate this past year and will be my roommate next year in a 2 person apartment. She is AMAZING! She has helped me so much and has been such an influence in my life. And she is hilarious! We have become so close we have started using a few of each other's mannerisms and can imitate each other almost perfectly. She is one of the most talented people I have ever met and I know that someday she will make it big and she will be able to continue doing what she loves to do! She is such a strong person and very independent, but is also sweet and gentle and ...

To ask, or not to ask? This is a very prominent question in my life! Ok...not worded just like that, but I am constantly wondering if I should ask people questions. Not just any questions, but questions that involve doing something for me, or helping me. I always feel awful asking people to help me. I feel like I am taking precious time out of their lives that they could be putting to better use elsewhere: helping themselves, helping other people who need it a lot more than me, doing something fun and entertaining, whatever! I feel guilty asking people to give me a massage when I hurt, give me a blessing when I hurt in a different way, come listen to me do this monologue or song and critique me and help me get better (that one isn't as hard, but it takes forever and a day before I finally just go and ask the dang question), listen to me vent, give me a hug, come hang out with me, asking for food, etc. etc. etc. I feel guilty asking ALL those questions! And it's ridiculous I k...

Ok, this one is another dream one because my life has just been way too good lately for me to think of any kind of obstacle or whatever that I have had to overcome. This dream is kind of similar to the last post I had about recording. The bigger part of that is that someday I want to record church music. Not like hymns or anything (well I guess I could occasionally, or a rearrangement of them), but maybe some Sally DeFord music or Janice Kapp Perry or even do stuff like Providence. (If you haven't heard of these people, sorry!) To be able to record and sing about my Savior's love for me and His plan. Wow! Just wow, wow, wow! I had never actually really considered wanting to that until my senior year of high school. My mom had always mentioned it to me but I just brushed it off because I was going into theatre or classical singing gosh dang it. I was asked to sing in church one Sunday so I went to the lady I always go to when I need to find a song for church and I need someo...

Okay, in case you don't know Martina McBride, this title is the name of one of her songs that I think describes me pretty dang well right now! Oh hey, I can post the lyrics... I used to live in a darkened room Had a face of stone And a heart of gloom Lost my hope, I was so far gone Cryin' all my tears With the curtains drawn I didn't know until my soul broke free I've got these angels watching over me Oh watch me go I'm a happy girl Everybody knows That the sweetest thing you'll ever see In the whole wide world Is a happy girl I used to hide in a party crowd Bottled up inside Feeling so left out Standing in a corner wearing concrete shoes With my frozen smile And my lighted fuse Now every time I start to feel like that I roll my heart out like a welcome mat Oh watch me go I'm a happy girl Everybody knows That the sweetest thing you'll ever see In the whole wide world Is a happy girl Laugh when I feel like it Cry whe...

Well so far I have only really talked about obstacles I am attempting to overcome, so I think it's time to talk about one of my hopes and dreams. One of my biggest small dreams (like it's one of my smaller dreams I have but the biggest one out of those smaller dreams...if that makes any sense!) that I have had for years is to be able to record. Even if it's just semi-professional or some random friend of mine's recording studio, I need to record someday. Singing is my passion. Singing is what I have been doing my entire life and if anything ever happened to cause me to lose my voice or not be able to sing anymore, I think I would become comatose. Just a shadow of a person walking around. My voice is a huge part of my identity. Music is what helped me get into theatre. And now I'm majoring in Musical Theatre because of it. Back to recording... I just want to be able to say that I have recorded. I want to be able to experience the entire process of recording in a ...

Well I finally thought of something not so religious to write about! This is more about a certain aspect of my Senior year that was really hard for me to cope with, but that I am slowly overcoming, which is why I thought it would be appropriate for me to put in here. The summer before my Senior year I ran every day for about 1-3 miles. It was generally about 2. I ate less than 1500 calories, healthy calories too, a day. By the end of the summer I hadn't lost a single pound. I felt a little better but my self-confidence was still very, very low. I didn't understand why my body wouldn't let me lose weight. I felt like I was huge and that people were judging me on a daily basis because of my weight. My mom finally took me to a doctor to get some blood work done. But nothing really showed up. So my mom finally agreed to let me try the HCG diet. It worked for her, so why not me? Well the first 3 weeks were great, I lost 20 pounds. The next 6 weeks were hell. On this diet you...